Yo! So Jeff Garlin who plays Larry David's manager in Curb Your Enthusiasm is going to be here tonight to celebrate the season premiere of HBO’s amazing show. We would like to commemorate this event by reprinting a wonderful interview we found in an old issue of the Laugh Factory Magazine. The year was 1994 and the article was called: "The Man Behind Seinfeld".

Laugh Factory Magazine caught up with Larry David in the office he shares with Jerry Seinfeld on the CBS-MTM lot in Studio City. We were curious to see if his recent marriage and impending fatherhood, as well as the ungodly success of "Seinfeld" have affected his notoriously bleak and dyspeptic view of life. Herewith, the results:
LAUGH FACTORY: I guess the first question should be why you granted us this interview. You’re not known as someone who enjoys talking to the press.
LARRY DAVID: You consider yourself the press?
LF: Well, I don’t expect to attend any White House news conferences, but you know what I mean. I’m honored that you’ve granted us this interview.
LD: You’re an attractive man, why shouldn’t I let you interview me?
LF: You’re too kind.
LD: I’m well aware of that.
LF: Let me start by asking you the obvious questions.
LD: That sounds like an excellent strategy. Fire away.
LF: How has the huge success of “Seinfeld” affected your life?
LD: Huge success. Right, huge success. I’m a huge success, huh.
LF: By most conventional definitions, yes.
LD: The only change I can really see is that I don’t have to shop for pants in stores anymore. I can just call up and they’ll bring the pants right over to my house. That’s no small thing. Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn’t involve a woman.
LF: Speaking of women, you got married last year.
LD: Yeah.
LF: It’s nice you don’t wear your enthusiasm on your sleeve.
LD: What can I say. It’s a good thing but it’s not like I’m blazing any new trails by getting married. I’ve never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, “Man Gets Married!”
LF: You got married in Las Vegas. That seems like an odd choice from the creator of “Seinfeld.”
LD: Why?
LF: Well, you’ve got this show which is so closely associated with N.Y. and which defines hip for a lot of viewers…
LD: Where should I have gotten married –Zabar’s? We decided to get married on the spur of the moment, so where can you go besides Vegas?
LF: Did you gamble while you were there?
LD: Oh yeah, Laurie and I went nuts. Like in that Albert Brooks movie (Lost in America). We lost everything we had. That’s the only reason I’m still working on the show. It’s gonna take years to payoff the gambling debts.
LF: You’re also expecting your first child soon.
LD: that’s amazing, isn’t it? I’ve led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.
LF: That’s a pretty bleak assessment, even coming from you. I mean you’re a newlywed, your first baby is on the way and you just moved into a beautiful new house. Surely you must see a ray of light somewhere.
LD: Take it easy. When did you loose your sense of humor? I’m actually pretty happy.
LF: My first scoop –Larry David happy!
LD: I must point out however that this happiness only magnifies the utter waste my life has been up until now. I’d also like to point out that my new house was nearly destroyed by the Malibu fires the day before I moved in.
LF: And that would have put you right back in your usual state of despair.
LD: Not really, I was actually kind of hoping it would burn down. I mean we hadn’t moved anything in yet. Some TV news guy could have interviewed me the next day going through the rubble and I would just be shrugging my shoulders saying, “Actually, we had no memories here. I’m just trying to find this phone number I think I might have dropped somewhere.”
LF: Do you ever worry that this new found sense of well-being will sap your sense of humor out of you?
LD: Believe me, that’s not a concern. I have no sense of well-being. There’s no chance the well will run dry. Are you going to ask a lot more personal questions? I don’t think anyone is really interested in reading about my emotional state. It’s not even that interesting to me. I thought you were going to ask me a lot of stuff about the show.
LF: We’ll get to that (…) What about stand-up? Do you miss it at all?
LD: Well, as you know, I just feed off the energy of the audience. That’s what I’m all about –people and laughter.
LF: I’ll take that as a no.
LD: Yeah, I’d much rather be on stage talking to a couple of retards for twenty bucks than sitting at my desk thinking up jokes for… well let’s say a few dollars more.
LF: You always had a reputation, deservedly so, of the ultimate comic’s comic. The one guy who all the other comedians would run into the room to see.
LD: You’re saying I sucked.
LF: No, if I had wanted to say that I would have said, “You had a reputation as a guy who sucked.” So you have no pleasant memories at all from all your stand-up days?
LD: Oh sure, in the old days… hanging out with the other comics exchanging notes… late night bull sessions at the coffee shop… all the drugs and women.
LF: Really? It’s kind of hard to imagine you as a druggie.
LD: But you have no problem picturing me with a lot of women.
LF: Welll…
LD: Because let me tell you something, I’ve had more than my share. Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy. Especially in a bald man. Women love a self-confident bald man. Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man –there’s your diamond in the rough.
LF: In your acceptance speech at the Emmys you said, “This is all well and good, but I’m still bald.: Was that just a flip remark or does your lack of hair really weigh that heavily on you?
LD: It was a flip remark. (…)
LF: What else does the public not know about Larry David?
LD: I’m devoutly religious.
LF: No you’re not.
LD: But the public doesn’t know that. I think this interview is going really well.
LF: I guess we’ve gotten a little sideways here I blame myself.
LD: That’s good because I have no room to blame myself for anything. The only way I could blame myself for this would be to absolve myself of guilt for something else and I could never live with myself if I did that. Not that I was ever really comfortable living with myself in the first place.
LF: I hate to say this, but that sounds a little…
LD: Seinfeldian! See, that’s the genius of the show. We’re so real!
LF: I thought the genius was that it was a show about nothing.
LD: C’mon baby, get hip. That was last year.
LF: Touché.
LD: Damn! I wanted to say touché. It’s a great way to make someone think they said something clever even if you don’t mean it. If someone says to you, “Why don’t you go (expletetive) yourself,” you simply respond, “Touché,” and you’re out of there.
LF: I get the feeling I'm wearing out my welcome.
LD: Touché.