Mike Wallace retired from 60 Minutes!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

At 87 years old, Mike Wallace has retired from 60 Minutes! He feels
he finally made to the age of the people who watch 60 minutes. Did
you know Yanni was arrested last week for assaulting his girlfriend.
Apparently he forced her to listen to his music. The Neverland Ranch
was officially shut down. Now if Michael Jackson wants to impress
his dates, he’s going to have to back to just offering them candy.
The Treasury Secretary says the United States government is running
out of money. And to prepare for what that will be like the
government is consulting with Gary Coleman. A teenager in Texas was
shot in a fight over tater tots. Who know Dick Cheney liked tater
tots. Airlines are losing money and are now going to charge extra
for aisle seats. It’s all part of their new “Terrorists Choice”
program. Who else would pay extra for an aisle seat? Actually, some
airlines are doing so badly, that they plan to charge extra for safe
landings. Most airlines are saving money by no longer offering free
meals. Passengers are upset about this and of course so is the horse
meat industry. Actually by no longer offering free meals the airline
industry is saving a lot of money…on those throw up bags! They don’t
need them anymore. Reports are saying that while in prison, the
former Serbian President, Slobodan Milosevic had very easy access to
drugs and alcohol. If that’s true then you know what’s gonna happen
next, Courtney Love is going to start committing war crimes.
Milosevic’s son says his father was murdered! However, there is no
proof or evidence of this and most sources say that it is most likely
not true. So you know what that means, he must be getting his
information from U.S. intelligence. Mrs. Milosevic is mourning her
husband’s death but she’s also getting ready to date again. She’s
already asking her friends if they know any single men who have
killed over 300 thousand people.

posted by The Laugh Factory at 3:51 PM